Reflections

I don't usually reflect too much on my blog, but I have a lot on my mind and need an outlet.

Wes has been out of the country for 10 days - he comes home Thursday. Elise and I are counting down the days - Lilah would be, too, if she understood the concept of time.

I had been pretty anxious leading up to Wes's trip. I love my children dearly, but day in and day out with no break was daunting. Sometimes, after just one hard day, I lose my patience with them. I asked for prayer and prayed a lot - that God would give me patience, that I would enjoy the extra time with just the girls, that I wouldn't resent Wes for leaving us. God was so faithful. There were moments of panic, loneliness, and impatience, of course. But overall, the time went fast, I was patient, and the girls were wonderful.

There has been one surprise during Wes's absence. I didn't anticipate how insecure it would make Elise feel. Elise is normally so confident, so well-adjusted. But, during this time, she has been timid, clingy, and sad at times. Things she normally loves, like going to school or spending the night at Grandmama and Papa T's have been stressful for her. It reminds me a lot of when she was an infant and she had such a strong, adverse reaction to being left at daycare (I eventually quit my job because it was so strong). Her sense of security and safety has been rocked.

Of course, I have re-assured Elise that Daddy will be home soon, and we've gotten to Skype with him three times, so we've seen his face. But it really has made an impression on me of just how important stability in the home is for children. I mean, I knew that beforehand, but I've really seen it now. We can't guarantee stability - there are so many things in life out of our control, but Wes and I can continue to do our best to provide stability for our children by loving each other well and putting the other one first.

An old picture, but a pretty one of Elise and a nice reflection on the pond